In 2018, I was on my way to a workshop, at a village in the south of France. It was sad because my friend dropped out and I was going alone. The moment I landed in Paris, I felt a rush of excitement and a desire to stay in the city. Such subterranean wishes have become a reality before, with many travel disruptions and missed flights. So, once again, I found myself in boiling Gare du Nord at 8 pm staring at a screen of trains, canceled for the day. You know when dogs show teeth as if smiling when confused? Well, I was stressed, I was sweaty and I was excited to be stuck here. It felt like it was meant to happen. As if I felt it coming and the exchange of loosing and receiving has left me feeling weightless and purposeful. Instead of looking for a place to stay, I bought the tiniest Heineken for bewildering 8 euros and sat down in the setting sun by the canal. I was texting whoever was waiting for me, saying: Listen, I’m not going to be arriving tonight. Things felt amusing. It felt like things can get worse if while texting and laughing my phone would fall into the turquoise canal.
Which prompted me to get away from the water and start looking for a place. It could have been an experience to stay at a Holiday Inn in the outskirts for one night. But I had one more option - my friend Marija was fixing me up to stay at this girl’s place at the end of the week. I arranged her number while waiting for a bascule bridge to go down, but when I called she didn’t pick up. I had her Instagram. But chances of someone answering an IG message quickly felt slim in 2018. At least that’s my memory. But she did answer. She wrote me her address and I was on the way to her house within 10 minutes. I took a shower and we went out, passing monuments, a street concert, masses of people. Unlike anywhere else. The purse I borrowed was dangling over the cobble stones while we were passing Pompidou. Quite soon, we ended up by the Seine, looking at rats, people dancing to “What is love” and the Eiffel tower, connecting rapidly on the culture of the internet, fashion and belonging somewhere else or kinda nowhere. Meeting her, witnessing her exploration of self-image through fashion, made me realise just how much I am interested in all of it myself. And how much because of some underlying intellectual taboos or simply a feeling of inadequacy I have kept myself from exploring it.
Based on the experiences and revelations from this trip I started imagining a film which will end up being Sacred Fire Within.